The following is a four part series on practical coping skills during the holiday season. These skills do not set aside prayer and other core spiritual disciplines, but hone in on areas that may directly challenge one in recovery. They are just suggestions to add to your set of recovery skills.
With the clocks turned back and it getting dark early, the holiday season is approaching. Memories of past relationships, stressful conversations with family members, and feelings of sadness can pop in and out of our mind. Good feelings can be felt as well, but we usually don’t need help coping with those. It is the difficult feelings that can trigger us into compromising our recovery.
Keep in mind that even if you don't think you're vulnerable during this season, there are probably many in your circles who are. The following can be a good resource to develop awareness for what others might wrestle with. It is also a season where many exemplify excessive behaviors that they've been hiding--the person you work with who seems together and at the staff party drinks like a fish, acting in ways you've never considered before. God might use you to lead another into a conversation about what recovery is and why it might be important for them.
Part 1: The Challenges
Holidays may bring on a confusing array of emotions for anyone. People in recovery may be especially vulnerable. We may feel the effects of sadness, loneliness, seasonal depression and stress more easily than others do. Rather than allowing these problems to impede your recovery efforts, start preparing now for the weeks to come.
Depression
It is not unusual for depression to accompany the anxiety of the holiday season. Because depression may make recovery difficult, extra care should be taken to deal with it as soon as the symptoms are detected.
The holidays may magnify many of the situations
that are normally difficult for people.
For example, if you have difficulty going to parties, you may be faced with the decision of how to handle various invitations. Whether you go or not, you will be challenging your ability to cope, and if you feel you have failed, depression may follow. No one situation can cause you to be depressed; however, it's easy to see how these situations may build up in a very short time.
A party is but one small example. You may have to cope with loneliness, family tensions, and grief. If you are not prepared for these situations, you may become overwhelmed easily.
If you find yourself becoming depressed every year around this time, you might have seasonal depression. This is experienced depression during the autumn and winter months.
Stress
Holidays are stressful for many of us. Stress is your body's reaction to change, both internal and external. For most people, the holidays involve a great deal of change. Changes may be little: perhaps you have a lot of guests coming and you'll have to rearrange various rooms in your house. And changes may be huge: maybe this is your first holiday without one of your parents.
Each of these changes involves different coping skills, and you should deal with each separately. Additionally, you shouldn't underestimate the impact of those "little" changes. Stress may build up quickly, making you vulnerable to your specific triggers.
Stress might cause a relapse or, at least, halt your recovery for a while. As with depression, it's important to be aware of what's going on inside. You know right now that the next couple of months will be stressful. You can't control everything that will happen, but you can learn how to cope with your reactions.
We can't prevent most changes in life, and we probably wouldn't want to! The holidays can be a wonderful time of celebrating and being in the company of good people. Since you cannot prevent change and, therefore, cannot prevent stress, you'll want to learn the many ways you can cope with stress.
Grief
You may find yourself grieving during the holidays for any number of reasons. We grieve if a loved one dies, but other major losses may cause grief as well. Family relationships may produce intense emotions. Maybe one of your children will be away during the holidays this year. Maybe there was a family conflict during the year, and you won't be seeing certain relatives. Many situations like these can produce feelings of emptiness and loss.
For whatever reason you may be grieving, it's important to learn about grief and how you can cope with the situation. Don't underestimate the impact grief may have on you during a particular day. Reach out to family members and friends who may have experienced the same loss. Face it together.
Loneliness
Holidays may produce intense feelings of loneliness, particularly because so many of us have ideals of what the "perfect" holiday should be. It's possible to feel lonely even with a group of people, particularly if that one special person is missing from the group.
Loneliness may hit hard, and you shouldn't think of yourself as immune from such feelings. Additionally, loneliness is one emotion that feeds depression. Think about where you will be this holiday season and how it will make you feel. Even if you will be alone during part of the holidays, you can plan ways to make yourself comfortable. One idea is to have several phone numbers of “buddies” available to call. Tell your support friends that you might be calling during a specific time.
Tomorrow: Part 2: How to Prepare for the Holidays
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