Married or Single: For Better or Worse

by Pastor John Piper

Pastor John received a letter asking, “If what you say about the blessing of singleness is true, then why would one even want to be married?” Here is his response.

Dear Friend,
You ask: “What is at all compelling about marriage? Why would we even want to be married?”

The “compelling” comes only from the right combination of internal realities and objective truths about God’s design for marriage.

When the right combination is not there, marriage is not compelling and should not be. I would say the same thing about singleness.

The objective truths about marriage are primarily God’s design:
1. To display his covenant keeping love between Christ and the church,
2. To sanctify the couple with the peculiar pains and pleasures of marriage,
3. To beget and rear a generation of white-hot worshippers, and
4. And to channel good sexual desire into holy paths and transpose it into worshipful foretastes of heaven’s pleasures.

That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

The objective truths about singleness are also primarily God’s design:
1. To display the spiritual nature of God’s family that grows from regeneration and faith, not procreation and sex,
2. To sanctify the single with the peculiar pains and pleasures of singleness,
3. To capture more of the single’s life for non-domestic ministry that is so desperately needed in the world,
4. And to magnify the all-satisfying worth of Christ that sustains life-long chastity.

That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

There is more to marriage and singleness than I have mentioned. But the point is to show that neither I nor the Bible means to say that either is compelling in and of themselves. That is why Paul says, “One has one gift and one another” (1 Corinthians 7:7).

I think he means: The internal reality of one person finds one of these powerfully compelling and the internal reality of another finds another powerfully compelling. And I would add:

This can change from one season to another.

I don’t know which holds out more joys and more hardships. There is no way to know ahead of time, it seems to me.

We Christians don’t make our choices that way anyway. This would be clear if all singles not only heard the wedding vows, “For better or for worse,” but also heard the same words written over singleness: “For better or for worse.”

Marriage may prove to be gloriously happy, or painfully disappointing. Singleness may prove to be gloriously satisfying or painfully disappointing. Only God knows which it will be for you.

So in the end, your heart really matters. Objectively, we cannot know ahead of time whether marriage or singleness will sanctify us more or honor God more.

Does the internal reality of our heart lean us into the designs of marriage or the designs of singleness?

That is a huge question and one that only the heart can answer. But it should be a heart well-formed with much Bible and much prayer and much maturity through life and counsel of friends and family.

That’s my best effort. Thanks for caring about being devoted to Christ above all.

Pastor John

* Hmmm, Coconut!

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READ: Psalm 51:1-13

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin my mother conceived me. —Psalm 51:5

I love coconut. I always have! So, after an exhausting day in second grade, I found a bag of shredded coconut in the cupboard and devoured the whole thing. When my mother went into the kitchen later to bake—you guessed it, a coconut cake—I heard, “Who ate the coconut?!”

I knew I was in trouble, but my escape plan was simple—a quick, easy lie: “Not me!”

She continued her inquiry with my sisters, but after they denied it, we all heard the familiar words: “Wait till your Dad comes home!” My cover-up plan was doomed to failure, and later that evening I finally confessed.

No one had to teach me to lie. As the psalmist David admits, “I was brought forth in iniquity” (Ps. 51:5). But in his sin David knew where to go—to the God of abundant mercy who will cleanse us from our sin (vv.1-2).

When we recognize the ongoing reality of sin in our lives, we are reminded of our ongoing need for the presence of God and the power of His Word to keep us safe and spiritually sane. He is waiting for us to confess our faults and embrace the forgiveness and cleansing that He readily offers.

Remember, a refreshing plunge into God’s mercy awaits you on the other side of confessed sin!
— Joe Stowell

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee. —Sleeper

Own up to your sin and experience the joy of confession.

* Why Am I Here?

Outside of biblical revelation, this is an impossible question to answer because everyone has their own response. This is the impact of sin on the human mind. Ask 100 people who God is and get 100 different answers…unless one is informed by biblical revelation.

Yet for the Christian, for those who claim to be followers of Jesus, the sin of selfishness can creep in and take control of our lives. After all, the message of humanism is the philosophy of our times coming in as an assault from every direction. Beneath the surface, many Christians are secretly telling God that they really want to be fixed.

We all know something is wrong with us. We all know we are not mature as God intended. This is because we are made in God's image and are hard-wired for God whether we realize it or not.

The concern is to be so focused on getting fixed that we obsess over it and are robbed of any real joy.

The culture we live in is all about self first. This is the only position the secular mind can grasp because man is the center of the universe. This position is taught in all public schools and subtly woven into the curriculum.

With this daily blast of self-esteemism, how can the Christian get their heart and mind in alignment with God’s heart and mind?

There’s really only one way…the Word of God! Yet knowledge of God’s Word is only the start…obedience is the way to live in Christ. It is not enough to know all the notes on the page of music…the notes were meant to be played.

God created humanity for a reason.
God created you with a purpose...

What is the purpose of life?
It is to glorify God. God created us for His own Glory. Talking about mankind in the book of Isaiah, God says about us, "whom I created for my glory" - Isaiah 43:7

In 1 Corinthians 10:31 we read, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

God is sovereign, meaning that He is completely independent. He did not need to create us. He does not need us for anything.

Based on this we might come to the conclusion that we are not important to God... that we are not needed and we have no purpose. But, that's not the end of the story. God tells us in Scripture that we were created to glorify Him.

That's our purpose and that means we are important to Him personally.

* We were created to glorify God...
"I will praise you, O Lord my God,
with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever."
- Psalm 86:12

* We were created to enjoy God...
As a result of our glorifying God, we find that we enjoy God and delight in knowing God. The Bible says that we were also created to be filled with joy. Jesus said, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." - John 10:10

Psalm 16:11 tells us, "In your [God's] presence there is fulness of joy, in Your [God's] right hand are pleasures for evermore."

“In commanding us to glorify Him,
God is inviting us to enjoy Him.” - C.S. Lewis

And God rejoices in us...

As a result of our glorifying God and enjoying Him, God in turn rejoices over us. Isaiah 62:5 says, "so shall your God rejoice over you."

A prophecy in Zephaniah tells us that God "will rejoice over you with gladness, He will renew you in His love; He will exalt over you with loud singing as on a day of festival." - Zephaniah 3:17-18

What does it mean to glorify God?
How do we glorify God?
It means to bring Him honor through what we say, how we act, and how we think. To glorify God means to acknowledge His glory and to value it above all things.

To glorify God means we make it known to others. To glorify God means we have a heartfelt gratitude. We glorify God through our faith (trust).

We glorify God through our love. We glorify God through our desire to obey Him (our obedience). We glorify God through our desire to know Him.

"We are cruel to ourselves. We try to live in this world without knowing about the God whose world it is and Who runs it. The world becomes a strange, mad, painful place, and life in it a disappointing and unpleasant business, for those who do not know about God. Disregard the study of God, and you sentence yourself to stumble and blunder through life blindfolded, as it were, with no sense of direction and no understanding of what surrounds you. In this way you can waste your life and lose your soul.” - J.I. Packer (Knowing God)

* A Mark of True Faith--Mercy

"So speak and so act, as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:12-13).

Divine judgment has never been a popular topic of conversation. Godly people throughout history have been ridiculed, persecuted, and even killed for proclaiming it. In their efforts to win the approval of men, false teachers question or deny it. But James 2:12-13 reminds us that judgment will come, so we'd better live accordingly.

Sharing the gospel always has to be with gentleness, compassion, and mercy. Yet, without compromise! We as Believers need to tell the whole truth in love. When we “cut n’ paste” a gospel message to please others, we are not acting in love, but deception. There is nothing worse than giving someone a false hope.

Many times our compromise comes down to one word—fear. Instead of a healthy fear of God, we fear the opinions of others. We become reduced to people pleasers which is an act of selfishness.

The basis for divine judgment is God's Word, which James called "the law of liberty" (v. 12). It is a liberating law because it frees you from sin's bondage and the curse of death and hell. The very thing that is freedom for the true believer in Christ is bondage for the unbeliever. There is no in-between!

It is the agency of the Spirit's transforming work, cutting deep into your soul to judge your thoughts and motives (Heb. 4:12). It gives you the wisdom that leads to salvation, and equips you for godly living (2 Tim. 3:15-17). It imparts truth and discernment, freeing you from error and spiritual deception. It is in every sense a law of freedom and liberation for those who embrace it and obey with a joyful heart.

The law liberates believers but condemns unbelievers. The phrase "judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy" (v. 13) speaks of unrelieved judgment in which every sin receives its fullest punishment. That can only mean eternal hell!

If the Word is at work in you, its effects will be evident in the way you speak and act. If you are impartial and merciful to people in need, that shows you are a true Christian and have received God's forgiveness and mercy yourself. If you show partiality and disregard for the needy, the law becomes your judge, exposing the fact that you aren't truly redeemed.

No Believer always acts in mercy towards all people in need, but our desire should be for mercy. When we are in sin and acting out of anger, disappointment, or frustration we can become so self-absorbed we don’t care about others. At this point, we need to go back to the gospel message we received and remember Jesus died for our sins and showed us mercy. If this means nothing but words, we need to search our hearts.

Are you a merciful person? Do you seek to provide for others without favoritism? When you fail to do so, do you confess your sin and seek forgiveness and restoration? Those are marks of true faith. This is another reason the step-study groups are so essential to our spiritual growth. We need to examine ourselves in the community of others who seek growth in Christ.

Suggestions for Prayer:
Praise the Lord for His great mercy toward you, and be sure to show mercy to those around you. If your heart is hard, seek out an accountability partner or sponsor and confess this. Ask for prayer that your heart might be softened.

For Further Study:
Read Luke 1:46-55 and 68-79. Follow Mary's and Zacharias's example by rejoicing over God's mercy toward His people.

* The Moral Miracle

READ: Isaiah 53:4-12

Which of you convicts Me of sin? And if I tell the truth, why do you not believe Me? He who is of God hears God’s words. —John 8:46-47

Are there any perfect people alive today? Not in the opinion of Harvard University psychiatrist Jerome Groopman. In his engrossing book How Doctors Think, he expresses agreement with the profound insights found in the Bible. He writes, “Everyone is flawed at some time, in thought or in deed, from Abraham to Moses to the Apostles.”

But what about Jesus Christ? He challenged His listeners regarding Himself: “Which of you convicts Me of sin?” (John 8:46). The disciples’ verdict after they had opportunity to scrutinize His life for at least 3 years was that He was without sin (1 Peter 2:22; 1 John 3:5).

Was Jesus a moral miracle, the one sinless Person in the whole procession of sinful humans? Yes, He was the one spotless exception to this observation of the apostle Paul: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). And that word all includes both you and me!

Because all humanity has sinned, we can rejoice that Jesus was qualified—He and He alone—to be the flawless Sacrifice we need.

We give thanks for Jesus Christ, our sinless sin-bearer—the one exception!
— Vernon C. Grounds

Guilty, vile, and helpless, we;
Spotless Lamb of God was He;
“Full atonement!” can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior! —Bliss

Only Jesus, the perfect sacrifice, can declare guilty people perfect.

For quiet reflection:
“Worthy is the Lamb,” the hosts of Heaven sing,
As before the throne they make His praises ring;
“Worthy is the Lamb the book to open wide,
Worthy is the Lamb Who once was crucified.”

Oh, this bleeding Lamb, oh, this bleeding Lamb,
Oh, this dying Lamb, He was found worthy;
Oh, this bleeding Lamb, oh, this bleeding Lamb,
Oh, this dying Lamb, He was found worthy.

Worthy is the Lamb, Who shed His precious blood
To restore a world to happiness and God;
“When no eye could pity and no arm could save,”
Jesus for our ransom, Himself freely gave.

Worthy is the Lamb, the bleeding sacrifice
Who for Adam’s race paid such a fearful price;
Worthy is the Lamb, the Paschal Lamb of God,
For the world received “Redemption thro’ His blood.”

“Worthy is the Lamb,” let men and angels sing,
“Worthy is the Lamb,” let hallelujahs ring;
And when life is past, upon the golden shore,
“Worthy is the Lamb,” we’ll shout forevermore.

* The Royal Law

"If . . . you are fulfilling the royal law, according to the Scripture, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing well" (James 2:8).

In Matthew 22:36 a lawyer asked Jesus which commandment was the greatest. Jesus answered, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and foremost commandment.

The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets" (vv. 37-40). Love for God and one's fellow man summarizes the intent of God's law, and is the measure of true faith.

Jesus wasn't calling for the shallow, emotional, self- oriented love that is so prevalent in our society, but for a sacrificial quality of love that places the needs of others on par with your own. That kind of love is utterly incompatible with partiality, which seeks only to further its own selfish goals.

Showing partiality breaks God's law because it violates God's attributes, misrepresents the Christian faith, ignores God's choice of the poor, and condones the blasphemous behavior of the rich (James 2:1-7). But when you treat others impartially, you fulfill the royal law.

"Royal" in James 2:8 translates a Greek word that speaks of sovereignty. The law was given by God, who is the supreme authority in the universe, so it is authoritative and binding. Love fulfills God's law because if you love someone, you won't sin against him.

Apparently not all of James's readers were showing partiality, so he commended them, saying they were "doing well." The Greek word translated "well" speaks of that which is excellent. They were doing an excellent thing because they were acting in a manner consistent with God's impartial, loving nature.

That's God's call to every believer: for "the one who says he abides in [Christ] ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (1 John 2:6). As you do, you fulfill God's law and thereby prove that your faith and love are genuine.

Suggestions for Prayer:

God's love is the only antidote for partiality, so pray each day that He will teach you how better to express His love to those around you.

For Further Study:

Read the following verses, noting the characteristics of godly love: John 3:16, Ephesians 5:25-29, Philippians 1:9- 11, and 1 John 5:1-3.

* Fire Mountain

READ: Matthew 24:36-44

Be ready, for the Son of Man is coming
at an hour you do not expect. —Matthew 24:44

Rising 2,900 meters (9,600 ft.) above the rainforest in Indonesia’s southern Java, Mount Merapi (the Fire Mountain) is one of the world’s most dangerous volcanoes.

As the Fire Mountain showed signs of renewed activity, authorities tried to evacuate local residents. Then, on May 13, 2006, Merapi spewed a gray plume of sulfurous smoke that resembled a flock of sheep leaving the crater. Amazingly, villagers ignored the signs and returned to tending their livestock, apparently forgetting that in 1994 Merapi had killed 60 people. It’s our human tendency to ignore signs.

When Jesus left the temple at Jerusalem for the last time, His disciples asked what would signal His return to earth (Matt. 24:3). He told them many things to watch for, but warned that people would still be unprepared.

The apostle Peter told us that in the last days scoffers would say of Jesus’ return: “Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation” (2 Peter 3:4).

Scoffers are with us today, just as Peter warned. Are you among them? Or are you ready for the Lord Jesus to return? Ignoring these signs is even more dangerous than living in the shadow of the Fire Mountain.
— C. P. Hia

Signs of His coming multiply,
Morning light breaks in eastern sky;
Watch, for the time is drawing nigh—
What if it were today?

To ignore the Bible is to invite disaster.

* The Best I Can

by Charles R. Swindoll

Read 1 Chronicles 28:1--11

David was saying, "God did not give me a yes answer. When it came to my own dream, He gave me a no answer. But He did give me other things in place of that dream, and I'm making the very most I can of those other things." We can all glean much from David's mature response.

Do you have some cherished desire that you know you are going to have to relinquish? Usually it takes getting up in years to realize that's going to happen, because the younger we are, the greater our dreams, the broader our hopes, and the more determined we are to make them happen. But as we get older, many of us see that some of those great hopes and dreams are never going to be realized.

Perhaps it is a dream of some great accomplishment through a unique kind of ministry. Maybe it is a desire for an unusual career or personal recognition. Maybe it is a desire for romance and marriage. Maybe it's a longing for relief from something in your life that you've had to live with for years. Whatever it is, you may now recognize that it is never going to happen, and that's a hard pill to swallow.

But, like David, it's an opportunity to find satisfaction in what God has allowed you to do. As he reflects on his life and his own unfulfilled desire, he says, "I want to turn my attention away from what wasn't to be and focus on the things God has done."

This is our challenge, isn't it? We can live the last years of our life swamped by guilt or overwhelmed by regrets from the past. We can either "eat our heart out," or we can say, "By the grace of God, I did the best I could with what I had. And I claim His promise that somehow He'll use what I did accomplish for His greater glory." What a wonderful attitude to have at the end of one's life!

* The Three "C's" of Friendship

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends. —John 15:15

I grew up in a home with lots of wall plaques. One had a quotation by poet Claude Mermet that stands out in my mind:

“Friends are like melons; let me tell you why:
To find a good one, you must one hundred try!”

Most of us can identify with that. It’s hard to find good friends!

I wonder if God ever feels that way about us? Out of all the people in the Old Testament, only one was ever called His friend. In Isaiah 41:8, God says that He chose Jacob, who was an offspring of “Abraham My friend.” Pretty exclusive club!

So you can imagine how shocking it was for the disciples to hear Jesus say, “No longer do I call you servants, . . . but I have called you friends” (John 15:15). Better yet, He is saying that to us as well.

Commitment
So, what does friendship with Jesus look like? It starts with commitment. As He said, “You are My friends if you do whatever I command you” (v.14).

Communication
Then He added the dynamic of communication. He promised to tell us all that the Father has told Him (v.15). Are you listening?

Commonality
And as His friends we begin to bear fruit (v.16), sharing a commonality with Him by reflecting His glory in our attitudes and actions (2 Cor. 3:18).

Jesus welcomes you to the privilege of friendship with Him! Are you His friend?
--by Joe Stowell

What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Welcome to the privilege of friendship with God.

* Favoritism

"My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism" (James 2:1).

People are prone to treat others differently based upon external criteria such as looks, possessions, or social status, but God is utterly impartial. He never shows favoritism and always judges righteously.

Favoritism can be defined as a preferential attitude and treatment of a person or group over another having equal claims and rights. It is unjustified partiality. James 2:1- 13 confronts it as sin and admonishes us to avoid it at all costs.

God's impartiality is seen throughout Scripture. For example, Moses said to the people of Israel, "The Lord your God is the God of gods and the Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God who does not show partiality, nor take a bribe. He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing. So show your love for the alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt" (Deut. 10:17-19). Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, warned his judges to rule without partiality because God Himself has "no part in unrighteousness, or partiality" (2 Chron. 19:7).

God's impartiality is also seen in His gracious offer of salvation to people of every race. In Acts 10:34-35 Peter says, "I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right, is welcome to Him."

God is also impartial in judgment. Romans 2:9-11 says that God will bring "tribulation and distress for every soul of man who does evil . . . but glory and honor and peace to every man who does good. For there is no partiality with God."

Our text is a timely admonition because prejudice, discrimination, and bigotry are ever-present evils in our society--both inside and outside the church. I pray that God will use these studies to guard you from favoritism's subtle influences and strengthen your commitment to godly living.

Suggestions for Prayer:

Ask God to reveal any partiality you might be harboring. As He does, confess it and turn from it.

For Further Study:

Read Ephesians 6:5-9 and 1 Timothy 5:17-21. How does God's impartiality apply to how you should respond to your co- workers and your church leaders?

* Cardboard Testimonies

* Strings, Rings, Troublesome Things

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. —James 4:10

Ray Bethell is a world champion kite flyer. He can make multiple kites twist and turn in such precision that they behave as if they are one. As I watched an amazing video of Ray and his three synchronized kites, I recalled a poem I had read many years ago.

In the library of Pastor Howard Sugden, I came across a well-worn book containing the works of John Newton. Inside was a poem titled “The Kite; or Pride Must Have a Fall.” The kite in Newton’s poem dreamed of being cut free from its string: “Were I but free, I’d take a flight, / And pierce the clouds beyond their sight, / But, ah! Like a poor pris’ner bound, / My string confines me near the ground.” The kite does finally manage to tug itself free, but instead of soaring higher in the sky, it crashes into the sea.

The analogy calls me to reconsider some “strings” that make me feel constrained. Vows. Promises. Commitments. Responsibilities. Although such things make me feel tied down, God uses them to hold me up. As James teaches, it is our willingness to be humbled (or held down) that God uses to lift us up (James 4:10).

Before cutting any string,
make sure it’s not one that’s holding you up.

Though I am His sheep, I’m still prone to stray,
So Jesus in love sends afflictions my way;
The lessons that come in this school of deep pain
Will teach me to follow my Lord once again! —Bosch

A Christian rises against the winds of adversity.

* A Perfect Father

READ: Proverbs 20:3-7

The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him. —Proverbs 20:7

My father once admitted to me, “When you were growing up, I was gone a lot.”

I don’t remember that. Besides working his full-time job, he was gone some evenings to direct choir practice at church, and he occasionally traveled for a week or two with a men’s quartet. But for all the significant (and many small) moments of my life—he was there.

For instance, when I was 8, I had a tiny part in an afternoon play at school. All the mothers came, but only one dad—mine. In many little ways, he has always let my sisters and me know that we are important to him and that he loves us. And seeing him tenderly caring for my mom in the last few years of her life taught me exactly what unselfish love looks like. Dad isn’t perfect, but he’s always been a dad who gives me a good glimpse of my heavenly Father. And ideally, that’s what a Christian dad should do.

At times earthly fathers disappoint or hurt their children. But our Father in heaven is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy” (Ps. 103:8). When a dad who loves the Lord corrects, comforts, instructs, and provides for the needs of his children, he models for them our perfect Father in heaven.
— Cindy Hess Kasper

How blessed are the children
Who in their fathers see
The tender Father-love of God,
And find their way to Thee. —Johnson

A life lived for Christ is the best inheritance we can leave our children.

* For Those Who Serve

ODB RADIO: Listen Now | DownREAD: Romans 13:1-7

Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in the Word and doctrine! —1 Timothy 5:17

When my son Steve walks into a room, he often gets immediate respect. People want to shake his hand. They smile. They congratulate him. They thank him.

It happens at church. It happens in restaurants. It happens wherever he goes—as long as he is wearing his uniform of the United States Navy.

While in uniform, Steve gets instant respect because everyone knows that he is serving. He has given up many personal freedoms and desires so that he can serve his country.

People respect service. We honor police officers who serve. We pay homage to military personnel who serve. But do we give the same honor and respect to those who are in an even greater service—service to God? Do we show respect to our pastors, missionaries, Sunday school teachers?

Scripture tells us to give honor to whom honor is due (Rom. 13:7). Specifically, it tells us that double honor goes to those who direct the affairs of the church through teaching and preaching (1 Tim. 5:17).

Instead of criticizing your pastor, teacher, or spiritual leader, let others hear your words of gratitude and praise for their service. Hold them up in prayer. God’s servants deserve our respect and honor.
— Dave Branon

Putting It Into Practice
• Send a card or note of appreciation to your pastor.
• Thank your teacher for a lesson that helped you.
• Ask your leaders how you can pray for them.

We honor God when we honor our leaders.

* Loving Our Grown-Up Children

Now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. —1 Corinthians 13:13

Comedian Henny Youngman used to say, “I’ve got two wonderful children—and two out of five isn’t bad.”

When children reach adulthood, most parents have an opinion about how their offspring have “turned out.” Some are proud of everything their kids have done, while other parents express misgivings or disappointment about the choices their children have made. How can we continue a positive parenting role after the birds have left our nest?

In 1 Corinthians 13, often called “the love chapter” of the Bible, Paul writes that the greatest gifts of speaking, understanding, and sacrificial service are worthless without love (vv.1-3). Love itself is the foundation of winsome behavior, and its influence never ends. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (vv.4-8).

When our children no longer seek our advice, they still value our love. In every stage of parenting, it’s not only what we say but what we do that counts.
— David C. McCasland

May God in mercy grant to us
A home where Christ holds sway,
Where peace and joy from heaven above
Abide from day to day. —Crane

A parent’s love never ends.

* Accepted and Chosen by Him

He made us accepted in the Beloved. —Ephesians 1:6

An unmarried missionary had been disparaging herself. She was unhappy with her life in general, but she was especially displeased with what she felt was her low level of spiritual growth.

One morning she looked searchingly at herself in the mirror. Then, very slowly, she said, “God, I thank You that I am myself and can never be anybody else.”

That was her moment of liberating self-acceptance. She realized that by God’s design she was an absolutely unique person, a Christ-redeemed human being who could never be replaced or duplicated.

Do you condemn yourself because you aren’t as spiritual as you think you ought to be? Do you see yourself as a second-rate disciple, lacking the gifts and graces possessed by fellow believers who seem to be models of prayer, witness, and service? We can rise above the mood of self-rejection and enjoy grateful self-acceptance when we put our lives into the nail-pierced hands of Jesus. “In Him we have redemption through His blood, [and] the forgiveness of sins” (Eph. 1:7). We are accepted and chosen by Him (vv.4-6).

If the Lord has accepted us, surely we can accept ourselves! That’s the liberating truth.
— Vernon C. Grounds

All praise to the Lamb, accepted I am,
Through faith in the Savior’s adorable name;
In Him I confide, His blood is applied;
For me He hath suffered, for me He hath died. —Wesley

Accepting Jesus’ free gift of salvation frees us to accept ourselves.

* Desiring a Calm Spirit

A man of understanding is of a calm spirit. —Proverbs 17:27

A spectacular air battle raged outside our window. Skilled, speedy flyers swarmed through the air, diving down from above, zooming in from left and right, climbing from underneath to knock the others out of the fight. The air was alive with sound as they attacked, eluded, hovered, and struck out at one another.

“Scrappy little things, aren’t they?” my wife, Shirley, observed. Six hummingbirds filled the air with darting motion, hovering and whirring as they fought for the three positions on our red hummingbird feeder. “Why can’t they just be patient?” she wondered.

Like so many disputes and quarrels that plague the church, these battles were totally unnecessary. The feeder held plenty of nectared water. We refilled it every day. Yet, for hours at a time, no hummers came near it—until they all wanted it. They seemed to prefer a good scrap.

Quarrels among believers in Jesus Christ bring dishonor to Him. They create wounds in our brothers and sisters, leaving scars. “It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel,” says Proverbs 20:3. And “He who has knowledge spares his words” (17:27).

There are battles worth fighting over, but most of these so called “righteous battles” are really wounded egos. It is important to have wise leaders who can discern what is worth battling over. Leaders in the church are much like parents. They need to be very mindful of those looking on.

If there are disagreements, it is wise to discuss behind closed doors with the dignity of the church at the forefront of the discussion. If emotions cannot be controlled, it is not worth discussing until things cool down or a respected third party can sit in.

So many in the church have come from wounded relationships, looking to the church as a place of healing. When disagreements present themselves, we need to go back to God’s Word and first seek to understand before being understood. Like hummingbirds fighting for position, we can also be too quick to want our needs met immediately. We need to pull back and humble ourselves to avoid ego conflict that misses the mark of the presenting problem or concern.

At the heart of it all must be a desire for God that allows us to get outside of self because we love God and have gratitude for what He has done for us. When that is lost or forgotten, self takes over and we have churches splitting because one group wanted the nursery painted yellow and another pink...and all along the world looks on doubting God's transforming power and the hope Christ gives to those who walk in Him.

How much better it is when we speak gentle words of peace, not angry words of strife!
— David C. Egner

Like bullets flying through the air,
Our words can shatter peace;
The Spirit helps control the tongue,
And then the quarrels cease.

Two cannot quarrel when one will not.

* Resentment, Rejection, Anger

"Let everyone be . . . slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God" (James 1:19-20).

Have you ever started reading your Bible, thinking everything was fine between you and the Lord, only to have the Word suddenly cut deep into your soul to expose some sin you had neglected or tried to hide? That commonly happens because God seeks to purge sin in His children. The Holy Spirit uses the Word to penetrate the hidden recesses of the heart to do His convicting and purifying work. How you respond to that process is an indicator of the genuineness of your faith.

"Anger" in James 1:19-20 refers to a negative response to that process. It is a deep internal resentment accompanied by an attitude of rejection. Sometimes that resentment can be subtle. Paul described those who "will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires" (2 Tim. 4:3). They're the people who drift from church to church in search of someone who will tell them what they want to hear--or a congregation that wants a pastor who will make them feel good about themselves instead of preaching the Word and setting a high standard of holiness.

Sometimes resentment toward the Word ceases to be subtle and turns to open hostility. That happened when the crowd Stephen confronted covered their ears, drove him out of the city, and stoned him to death (Acts 7:57-60). Countless others throughout history have felt the fatal blows of those whose resentment of God's truth turned to hatred for His people.

Receiving the Word includes being quick to hear what it says and slow to anger when it disagrees with your opinions or confronts your sin. Is that your attitude? Do you welcome its reproof and heed its warnings, or do you secretly resent it? When a Christian brother or sister confronts a sin in your life, do you accept or reject their counsel?

Suggestions for Prayer:

Thank God for the power of His Word to convict you and drive you to repentance. Welcome its correction with humility and thanksgiving.

For Further Study:

Read 2 Timothy 4:1-5, noting the charge Paul gave to Timothy and his reason for giving it.

* A Graduation Wish

Why are you cast down, O my soul? . . . Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him. —Psalm 42:5

The high school commencement speaker was the president of a large corporation. He was chosen for the occasion because of his success. Yet his speech came with a most unusual wish for the graduates.

The speaker told the students sitting before him in their graduation gowns, “If I could have one hope for you as you go out into the world, it would be this: I hope you fail. I hope that you fail at something that is important to you.” He went on to say how his own early life had been one failure after another, until he learned to see failure as an effective teacher.

Many of the songs of Israel were born in seasons of failure. Out of desperation came the cry, “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (Ps. 42:1-2).

Sometimes we are not ready to see the wonder of God’s wisdom and strength until we are gasping for breath in the exhaustion of our own strength.

A recurring story of the Bible is that mountains of faith rise from the valleys of failure. Before discovering the high ground we are looking for, we may need to see the failure of the dreams we hold in our hearts and trust instead in the love, wisdom, and guidance of our God.

The lessons we learn from our failures
Are lessons that help us succeed,
And if we are wise and we heed them,
Then failure is just what we need.

Learn from your failures, or you will fail to learn.

* Quick to Hear

"This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear" (James 1:19).

It has been well said that either God's Word will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from God's Word. Apparently some of James's readers were allowing sin to keep them from receiving the Word as they should.

God was allowing them to experience various trials so their joy and spiritual endurance would increase, but they lacked wisdom and fell into temptation and sin. James called them back to the Word and to a godly perspective on their circumstances.

James 1:19 begins with the phrase "This you know," which refers back to verse 18. They had experienced the power of the Word in salvation, now James wants them to allow it to sanctify them. For that to occur, they must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath (v. 19).

Being quick to hear means you don't disregard or fight against God's Word. Instead, when trials or difficult decisions come your way, you ask God for wisdom and receive the counsel of His Word with a willingness to obey it. You're not like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, whom Jesus described as "foolish men and slow of heart to believe in all that the prophets have spoken" (Luke 24:25).

You should be quick to hear the Word because it provides nourishment for your spiritual life and is your weapon against all spiritual adversaries. It is the means by which you are strengthened and equipped for every good work (2 Tim. 3:16-17). It delivers you from trials and temptations and engages you in communion with the living God. The Word should be your most welcome friend!

Be quick to hear, pursuing every opportunity to learn God's truth. Let the testimony of the psalmist be yours: "O how I love Thy law! It is my meditation all the day . . . . I have restrained my feet from every evil way, that I may keep Thy word. . . . How sweet are Thy words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Ps. 119:97, 101, 103).

Suggestions for Prayer:

Thank God for His precious Word and for the marvelous transforming work it accomplishes in you.

For Further Study:

Read Psalm 19:1-14.

• What terms did the psalmist use to describe God's Word?
• What benefits does the Word bring?

* The Search For Justice

I saw under the sun: In the place of judgment, wickedness was there; and in the place of righteousness, iniquity was there. —Ecclesiastes 3:16

A trial has just ended, and the reactions to the verdict could not be more different. The family of the alleged murderer celebrates the declaration of a mistrial due to a legal technicality. Meanwhile, the grieving parents whose daughter has died wonder about a justice system that would allow such a decision. As they stand weeping before a mass of microphones and cameras, they exclaim: “Where is the justice in this? Where is the justice?”

We’ve seen this scenario played out in the news or on TV crime dramas. We instinctively long for justice but cannot seem to find it. The wisest man of his day, Solomon, faced a similar frustration and disappointment. He saw that imperfect human beings could never administer perfect justice. He wrote: “I saw under the sun: In the place of judgment, wickedness was there; and in the place of righteousness, iniquity was there” (Eccl. 3:16).

If all we trusted in were imperfect people, we would lose all hope. But Solomon wisely added in verse 17: “God shall judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.”

The search for justice can be satisfied only by trusting the God who is always just.

Though sin seems to triumph and wrong conquers right,
Though lies can put justice to flight,
God’s truth is eternal, His Word shows His might,
And He will bring justice to light.

Someday the scales of justice will be perfectly balanced.

READ: Ecclesiastes 3:14-22

* Chums

We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you. —Colossians 1:3

In 19th-century England, debtors’ prison housed those unfortunate souls who couldn’t pay their bills. New prisoners were escorted to the “chummage,” a prison dormitory. Since the people were not there for violent crimes, a spirit of trust and camaraderie soon developed. They played games together and had plenty to eat. Some were even allowed private rooms.

In time, the prisoners began to refer to each other as “chums.” Later, the word caught on outside the prison walls and took on the meaning of “a cordial friend.”

Deep bonds of friendship also take place in Christian ministry. Those who worked alongside Paul were not strangers to persecution and imprisonment. But a common mission created a deep sense of connectedness. In his letter to the believers in Colosse, Paul called Epaphras a “fellow servant” (1:7). The term can be paraphrased as “together slave” or “one who serves the same master with another.”

When believers live under the lordship of Christ, they can see their lives intertwined in service. By serving as slaves to Christ, a spiritual camaraderie results that transcends being “chums.” And that special relationship will continue on into eternity!

Working together with others,
Serving the Lord day or night,
Telling the story of Jesus
Promises endless delight.

Christians stand strong when they stand together.