A man of understanding is of a calm spirit. —Proverbs 17:27
A spectacular air battle raged outside our window. Skilled, speedy flyers swarmed through the air, diving down from above, zooming in from left and right, climbing from underneath to knock the others out of the fight. The air was alive with sound as they attacked, eluded, hovered, and struck out at one another.
“Scrappy little things, aren’t they?” my wife, Shirley, observed. Six hummingbirds filled the air with darting motion, hovering and whirring as they fought for the three positions on our red hummingbird feeder. “Why can’t they just be patient?” she wondered.
Like so many disputes and quarrels that plague the church, these battles were totally unnecessary. The feeder held plenty of nectared water. We refilled it every day. Yet, for hours at a time, no hummers came near it—until they all wanted it. They seemed to prefer a good scrap.
Quarrels among believers in Jesus Christ bring dishonor to Him. They create wounds in our brothers and sisters, leaving scars. “It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel,” says Proverbs 20:3. And “He who has knowledge spares his words” (
There are battles worth fighting over, but most of these so called “righteous battles” are really wounded egos. It is important to have wise leaders who can discern what is worth battling over. Leaders in the church are much like parents. They need to be very mindful of those looking on.
If there are disagreements, it is wise to discuss behind closed doors with the dignity of the church at the forefront of the discussion. If emotions cannot be controlled, it is not worth discussing until things cool down or a respected third party can sit in.
So many in the church have come from wounded relationships, looking to the church as a place of healing. When disagreements present themselves, we need to go back to God’s Word and first seek to understand before being understood. Like hummingbirds fighting for position, we can also be too quick to want our needs met immediately. We need to pull back and humble ourselves to avoid ego conflict that misses the mark of the presenting problem or concern.
At the heart of it all must be a desire for God that allows us to get outside of self because we love God and have gratitude for what He has done for us. When that is lost or forgotten, self takes over and we have churches splitting because one group wanted the nursery painted yellow and another pink...and all along the world looks on doubting God's transforming power and the hope Christ gives to those who walk in Him.
How much better it is when we speak gentle words of peace, not angry words of strife!
— David C. Egner
Like bullets flying through the air,
Our words can shatter peace;
The Spirit helps control the tongue,
And then the quarrels cease.
Two cannot quarrel when one will not.
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