Part 4: General Preparation
There are a number of actions you may take or changes you may incorporate into your life to add to your overall sense of well-being during the holidays.
* Learn some relaxation exercises, and you'll know that at any time, you have the ability to go off by yourself and relax for 10 or 15 minutes. This is a good time to begin regular practice of relaxation and breathing exercises. Regular practice (once or twice a day) will ultimately give you an ability to relax more easily throughout the day. Don’t underestimate this ‘adult time-out’—you might really need it. Leaving a stressful situation to relax can break the connection and when you return that stressor can be gone or minimized.
* Expect the unexpected. Yes, you can prepare for the normal situations that you know will come up in your typical holiday season. But, the unexpected will occur. Don't allow it to take over. Remember that you cannot control everything and your recovery comes first. Whatever your greatest temptation is, have a plan of escape. If you visit your uncle’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and someone pulls out a joint, if your desire is to fit in and feel some much needed acceptance, you might be tempted to take a hit. Like driving a car, expect the unexpected. Most car accidents happen within a three mile radius from your home because the guard is let down. Relax when the car is turned off.
* Now, more than ever, you need a good support system, preferably one made up of people who are also in recovery that can relate. If you don't have one, speak with someone in leadership. Have someone to call—a list of three buddies. If you are going to be in a stressful situation, ask these buddies if you can call or they can be on alert. Like a 911 call, a recovery call can be as serious for someone gripped with stress and temptation, especially if you are away from your familiar circles. The temptation to cheat, to party with those who love to party, or rationalizing that nobody at the party knows you, so… increases greatly during the holidays.
* In the midst of all your giving, giving, giving, remember to give yourself a break and enjoy. Have something to look forward to that will not negatively impact your recovery. Think of things that will bring comfort and relaxation. If you’re a people person, have someone to call. If you like alone time, get off by yourself. If music helps, bring your favorite tunes. Sometimes pictures of friends really help when you feel lonely. Carry them with you to pull out when you feel alone, even in the midst of family when away from home. Have a time with friends already in place after the holiday. The idea of having something to look forward to is very important. Make a list of friends, favorite movie to see, or one of many things to look forward to. This is important if you have to leave a party early and will be alone. Coming home to an empty apartment or home when everyone else is at the party can trigger a lot of emotions. Give yourself a break and enjoy!
* Don't let anyone else tell you what you can and cannot do. Or what you should or should not be able to do. This doesn't mean that you should ignore all advice, particularly that of your sponsor and/or accountability partner. However, don't let people push you into doing something you're not ready to do, especially at a party with family or friends who are not Christians. Most people will respect you if you decline a drink or another activity when you tell them you are in recovery. Don’t be pressured! If you'd like to be able to go somewhere or attend a function, and you don't feel ready, consider working on it with someone close. Don’t forget to reach out and ask for help as well. Others can’t read what you may be feeling inside and if you take this as rejection, you might go further into isolation. DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR RECOVERY.
* Set clear boundaries. If you go to an office party or family function knowing there will be drinking or other toxic activities, set clear exit boundaries. You don’t need to stay the entire event. Make your presence felt out of respect (there are usually key people to see) and after that you can quietly leave. Everyone needs to deal with this in their own way according to the situation.
* Get Right Now before the Holidays. If you have a grudge or are holding back negative feelings with a brother or sister in Christ, get right now! This will only add to the stress in your life. If you are in leadership, encourage those to make things right with each other. We are in battle together, and we need to not let the enemy cause division within. As a leader, lead by asking if anyone has a grudge against you. Set the tone in your small group. This will allow others to make things right. The ‘little things’ held within are toxic to the Spirit. It is uncomfortable to ask someone if you can talk, but do it. If you need someone else to help, ask someone you feel comfortable with. If someone asks to speak with you, be humble and hear them out. This is for them, not you. Be used by God to heal, not open wounds! Your response and words can heal or open wounds. Love one another.
* Be Honest with Yourself. For some in recovery they are looking for an excuse to cheat. Rationalizing goes into overdrive during this time of year. When everyone else around you is drinking you might just say, “What the heck…I’ve been working hard like everyone else, I need some fun in my life too.” The temptation increases when everyone seems so carefree and happy. There is no judgment here! Also, recovery is not just those who are wrestling with drugs or alcohol. (See, What is Celebrate Recovery?) For some, their recovery is to avoid being co-dependent and learn to set boundaries knowing it is okay to say ‘no’. For others it is not engaging in offensive language, discolored jokes, gossip, or sarcasm. The holidays are when others see Christians as party poopers. You can be confident in your recovery without compromising. Have a sense of humor about things-- humor diffuses people better than being too serious.
* Visualize Success. Without advocating some type of New Age experience, there is value to visualizing success. In this case it might be sitting in your small group on Friday night and sharing how you avoided temptation and applied many of the tools in recovery. The idea here is when temptation presents itself, you have an anchor or feeling of accountability to make wise choices and to have the strength and confidence to make the right choices. This is very similar to the site Mapquest, going to driving directions, typing in your address and destination address, then hitting enter. Would anyone say that you are not allowing God to control your life? That you can’t predict what will happen and to just relax? Having a map and clear directions is the best way to get where you want to go. Without it, you can wander off, get into arguments with those you’re driving with, have many triggers pulled, acting in very unloving ways. Visualize that “map” for success and set your plans before God. If your plans are for holiness, God will approve.
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The idea with this series, Preparing for the Holidays, is to not let the negative feelings of the season take control but rather be in control. Being in control is very different than being controlling. We are to allow the Holy Spirit to control our lives, but it is our choice to do so. Those in recovery sometimes live on the fine line between the Spirit and the flesh. In many ways, it’s a tug-of-war and the holiday season can pull the rope onto the flesh side of the mat. This usually compromises recovery and then you find yourself ten steps backwards!
Review this four part series (see right side of blog under Articles to read as one page) and highlight the areas that pertain to you, the areas that are autobiographical. You know you better than anyone, and you know your triggers. Think of a time when you compromised and “blew it.” How did you feel? Sometimes we need to go backwards to move forward.
Lastly, the Celebrate Recovery family is just that, a family! You are not alone over the holiday season. There are Celebrate Recovery meetings happening in every state in the country. That’s a lot of CR people gathering! You are not alone. You might feel lonely, but you are not alone! Share your prayer requests over the holiday. Get serious about this time of the year and have a plan. If you have good relationships, be sensitive to those who do not. There are some who feel they are going at this alone. They might show up each Friday night, but they still feel disconnected. Be sensitive to others. They need you! This is a work of God and God smiles at those who love one another. We need each other. There are no solo Christians that last very long in battle.
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